I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Panties = found
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
