My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
