Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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