Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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