Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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