I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
