for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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