I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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