would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
