there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
