her vagine was all disorganized.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
