It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Randomize
