i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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