apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
