I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
