Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
