And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
