Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
