...so i touched it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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