I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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