end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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