also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
