Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
