I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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