You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
