ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
