so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
