i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
