the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
