theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i out mim tonsoeep
im on a boat
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