so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
