I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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