Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
