Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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