and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
