so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
