you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
