Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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