He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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