i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love you. Go after that dick
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