Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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