Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
