I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
