If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
