a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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