okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
