Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
