this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
