your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
