I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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