If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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