where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
