Sponge bath it is.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
