Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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