Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
