My liver just broke up with me...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
